Unfortunately, it has been brought to my attention that the best way to get someone's attention is by saying nothing. For someone who is easily classified as a, at times sarcastic, chatterbox (see photo for reference), hearing that silence speaks louder than words is a lesson I have had to learn—and relearn—the hard way.
Chronic double texter? So was I, but recently, I have let that sh!t go. Why? Because, aside from the people in my life who I view as the exception, your time and energy are too important to spend on someone who has shown no intention of reciprocating.
Disclaimer!!
I am not saying that if someone doesn't respond to you, you should cut them off. People are busy, or life gets in the way. I am a repeat offender of this… but I am trying my hardest to be better. It's about progress!
There is also no need to start tallying all the times you haven't been responded to. That isn't going to help anyone—trust me.
What I am saying is, if you find yourself constantly being the only one to put in the effort—for example, making all the plans, having to text a ton of times to reconfirm, or even just to get an answer—maybe you should put the ball in their court.
If you are always available, answering right when they call or text or starting every single conversation, the other person may get the impression that you will always be there, acting the same way.
The Solution
As Mr. Big from Sex and the City said to Carrie, “She can reach me, but I can't get to her” in reference to the actress he was seeing, I think the character Mr. Big was onto something.
The moment you become selective with your time and energy is the moment you see which relationships and friendships in your life are actually fulfilling.
There are 86,400 seconds in a day, and when the day is over, you don't get those seconds back. I live my life by that sentence, as I have for many years. With that in mind, I recently asked myself: why would I spend my seconds on someone who won't spend even a second on me?
Become harder to reach. I am not saying to be rude or play games. What I am saying is, the moment you are not available 24/7 is the moment you will see if the other party cares enough to put in a little time or effort.
Time is so important—at least I believe it is. Don't spend your time on people who, meaning to or not, choose to waste it. Put your energy elsewhere and see what unfolds.
And just like that, the ball is in their court.
xx,
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